Fatherhood and Sobriety

120 Days of Change

Today marks 4 months of sobriety. I’m excited for this achievement. There have been times in the last few weeks where I wanted to give up. I wanted to go back. By the grace of God I didn’t, but the thought of drowning out the days trials in an alcohol daze are pretty damn convincing.

I can’t go back. I won’t.

I think back to my attitude over the past year, and how much has changed in such a short time. I was a wreck!

I destroyed my home, my family, the people who loved and trusted me… I hurt anyone who got close enough and I enjoyed it. I took solace in making people hurt as much as I did, and I showed no signs of stopping. I wanted you to hate me as much as I hated myself, and it was the only thing I was truly successful at.

I couldn’t even stand my children. “Seriously, you little fuckers. Go to bed so I can finish this beer.” Pure fucking insanity. I was broke, in a shitty apartment with no friends, and I was blaming everybody but the guy who was causing all the turmoil.

Thankfully, the one person who I didn’t manage to push me away reached out with a small suggestion. A suggestion that I embraced, even in the middle of a weekend bender. We attended an AA meeting that Sunday night and I picked up a white chip. I surrendered.

It’s changing my life. Four months ago I hated the man in the mirror. Today I kinda like him. I’m excited for tomorrow, and the people whom I will affect in a positive way. For I feel my selfish ego slipping. I feel my spirituality grow. The love and support I have found in the past 120 days is unlike nothing I have ever experienced, and for that I am truly grateful.

Joshua

Joshua admitted his life had become unmanageable on April 24, 2016. He regularly attends A.A. meetings and by the grace of God, is allowed to pour his heart and soul into co-parenting his three children.